On Saffron Wings

No off Switch: Drown Them in a Sea of Noise Part 1: Bisexuality, and My Rape

Tue, 07 May 2013 17:26:10 -0500

No off Switch: Drown Them in a Sea of Noise Part 1: Bisexuality, and My Rape:

nooffswitch:

This is your one warning. This post is about rape, misogyny and sex. I won’t get very graphic but it will be there.
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It was around the end of summer 2007 going into fall. I had moved out on my own at college and for the first time in my life I was able to explore my gender, my thoughts about my sexuality, everything. I had at last the freedom to explore my gender presentation. I started dressing more masculine, I dyed my hair flame red. I bought a pair of canvas slip on shoes that had red and black skulls and cross bones on them.

I really loved those shoes .They are the favorite shoes I ever owned I think.
I started hanging out with new friends going out drinking . Being 22.
The statistics show that most people who are raped know their attacker. I knew mine.
We had hung out several times before. He and I had tons of mutual friends. He joked that my boyish gender presentation would turn off my boyfriend. I joked ” but my girl friend she loved it”. After years of hiding away the truth, that I had a girlfriend once, someone I desperately loved but who had passed on I started to talk about her, about my bisexuality. Most of my new friends gave the general ” no you aren’t!” Or the three sums based questions.

We live in a culture where being bisexual signals sexual availability and combined with rape cultures insistence on the idea that women are objects those of us who are or are perceived as women can put us at even greater danger. We are not seen as intimidating as lesbians or as prudish as straight women. We are “more open”/”more fun” then they are my attacked said to much agreement. Not knowing what to say and not wanting to be “unfun” I smiled and agreed sipping my drink.

Then I was raped. In my own apartment. In my own bed. And yes during it he did mention how Bi girls are slutty so I should be OK with it.

That was the moment biphobia destroyed my life. I’ve seen many posts about how bisexuals have it so easy, how biphobia is relatively harmless, “sticks and stones but words will never hurt ” type things. How we shouldn’t complain when media portrays bisexuals as easy or confused or a million other wrong things. That ” hot sexy Bi babes!” Can never create things as bad as what we say they do.
We live in a world where bisexuality is seen as a performance for men.Where everything a woman does is a performance for men. With the expectation of Bi women being ” more open” and ” more fun” ( read sexually available) added on top of that is it any wonder that studies have found out this?

thank you bidyke/shiri eisner for the graphic!

Half of all of us. But until now nobody spoke about it. Not the women’s shelter I went to for counseling and testing. Not the LGBTA ( a for “ally” here) center at my university. No one. We are so often invisible and so so many of us suffer in silence.

I had heard and seen what the queer community at large thought of bisexuals. Not queer enough, privilege grubbers. I had seen how lesbian friends reacted to the mention of sex with men, to bisexuals who had relationships with them. Disgusted. They would never date one. How would they react when I came to them for help? Would my mere contact with my attackers penis make them recoil and shun me? Would they ask me how much school I had missed? How much time I had wasted like my mother did?
How did I even begin to talk about what had happened to me when it felt like the whole world hated me? For being Bi, for being dirtied by rape, for wasting time and money?

So I didn’t talk about it.

After that I shoved my bisexuality into the deepest darkest box I could find. I never spoke of my girlfriend again for years. I stopped exploring gender. I stopped trying or trusting.

I threw away the canvas skull and cross bones shoes, with their red that matched my now dingy faded red hair.

We need to talk about this. About WHY that stat is so high. And we need to be LOUD. So loud that our voices drown out the cries of “sit down!” Of ” stop being so angry!” Of ” wait till marriage equality passes!” We need to shriek and howl over them so that those out their in the darkness can hear us and know they are not alone and to warn those that would harm us that it will not be tolerated.

I know I will get hate mail for this. I know I will be told I deserved it. A million things I have heard before, that I believed before. But I will continue to shout and drown them in a sea of noise.

Thank you, Aud, for writing about this. That was important and brave and everyone needs to read this right now.

I also have to say, I am shocked by how few notes this post has. This post needs to be out there.

To anyone who reads this: I promise you that there is nothing more important that you have reblogged this year. Our stories need to get out there. We need to break the wall of silence.

I’m also a survivor. Twice directly related to my bisexuality. I don’t speak about it because it’s triggering and scary. Aud was brave enough to do it for me - and for all the rest of us, the many others who have been through this and haven’t, couldn’t, speak. Please reblog this.

This is fucking important for people to hear. http://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2013/p0125_NISVS.html

modernbisexual: May the 4th be with you! So I’m a day...

Sun, 05 May 2013 12:50:19 -0500

modernbisexual:

May the 4th be with you!

So I’m a day late on the May 4th thing but this is too good to ignore.

"Claiming that people who use the term bisexual must be touting a rigid binary view of gender, or..."

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 13:38:09 -0500

“Claiming that people who use the term bisexual must be touting a rigid binary view of gender, or denying the existence of gender variant people, is as presumptuous as assuming that people who use the term “bicoastal” must be claiming that a continent can only ever have two coasts, or that they are somehow denying the existence of all interior, landlocked regions of that continent.”

- Julia Serano, author of Whipping Girl - in “Bisexuality and Binaries Revisited” (via bisexual-books)

Holy crap! I love it. It speaks to my soul as a New Englander living in the mid-West.

scotchtrooper: Important Catnip PSAs Not even once.

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:08:11 -0500

scotchtrooper:

Important Catnip PSAs

Not even once.

danapiccoli: This is the best thing that has ever. God bless...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 15:10:20 -0500

danapiccoli:

This is the best thing that has ever. God bless whoever put this gifset together.

Favorite!

getoutoftherecat: get out of there cat. you are not a vampire...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:35:02 -0600

getoutoftherecat:

get out of there cat. you are not a vampire to be interviewed, nor are you a warrior of any clan. you don’t even have a warrior name, you are named after a porcine muppet.

This kitty knows where it’s at.

fuckyeahbabyanimals: Just a bunch of baby stingrays...

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:18:03 -0600

fuckyeahbabyanimals:

Just a bunch of baby stingrays chilling.

What the fuck. Seriously. I can’t even.

nybg: Just in case no one has given you roses yet today, happy...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 09:42:02 -0600

nybg:

Just in case no one has given you roses yet today, happy Valentine’s Day from us to you! (at Peggy Rockefeller Rose Garden At The New York Botanical Garden)

Spartan women vs. Athenian women

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:43:51 -0600

whatshouldwecallmeclassics:

All the Athenian women must have been like,

while the Spartan women were just like,

Bibliography: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLyW5UYPYYs

Sparta is my favorite.

w-for-wumbo: Those digitally remastered versions had some weird...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 20:41:40 -0600

w-for-wumbo:

Those digitally remastered versions had some weird shit in them…. wait, this isn’t right at all.

Best rancor ever!!!!!

upworthy: 5 Family Portraits That Were Illegal In The U.S. Just...

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 13:27:04 -0600

upworthy:

5 Family Portraits That Were Illegal In The U.S. Just 2 Years Ago: Just two years ago, these families were legally required to hide their existence. Now, after the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” these families still face major hurdles to full rights and recognition under the law. See the rest here.

meditategravitate: troubled-daisies: kielbasa: I want to post...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 00:26:47 -0600

meditategravitate:

troubled-daisies:

kielbasa:

I want to post this every day

seriously can’t express how much i love this.

seriously my favorite post of all time, i get this huge goofy smile every time i see it.

Casual holiday reminder that the Weasley twins once bewitched...

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 13:12:13 -0600

Casual holiday reminder that the Weasley twins once bewitched snowballs to repeatedly hit Voldemort in the face.

Trololol

nybg: I usually colored everything with the same Crayon to save...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 22:31:11 -0600

nybg:

I usually colored everything with the same Crayon to save time, if that gives you an idea of my kindergarten work ethic. Rose? Red. Train? Red. Dog? Red. Now I’m left wondering how we could expand this graphic to include the giant-sized Crayon boxes. That way we could fit each of the NYBG Series chrysanthemums in our most recent poll! —MN

lisito:

Perennials = Crayon Colors!! Originally designed as a long “pinfographic” for Pinterest — seen here.

Flowers + coloring = everything I love

I don’t know why but this is completely mesmerizing.

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 12:42:09 -0600

I don’t know why but this is completely mesmerizing.

nybg: Roots. Where would plants be without them? We’re not...

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 20:08:38 -0600

nybg:

Roots. Where would plants be without them? We’re not talking theoretical roots, like the ones a human can put down within a community, we’re talking the lifeblood variety which literally anchor a plant to the earth. These beautiful photographs by William Rugen explore how “this amazing object could not exist without the inelegant tangle that is just out of sight.” Be sure to click through to see all of Rugen’s work. It’s well worthwhile. ~AR

exhibition-ism:

William Rugen evokes 19th Century botanical illustrations through these modern photographic interpretations

equalseleventhirds: the-deviations: firegrowshigher: slutofbab...

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 11:52:39 -0600

equalseleventhirds:

the-deviations:

firegrowshigher:

slutofbabylon:

The powers that be do not want me to have a good night.

Man, let’s say you’re at a party, yeah? And there are people at the party that prefer cake, and people at the party who prefer pie, so the host serves both. Alright, cool.

So you go in for a slice of pie, when suddenly the host CHARGES over and goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“I’m having some pie, man, chill.”

“What the hell? I thought you had cake last time.”

“Yeah, I did have cake last time. But I’m not feeling the cake tonight. And this is my favorite kind of pie.”

“Ohhh no. I thought you were a CAKE person and now all of a sudden you’re eating pie on me? You’re confusing me! Make up your mind!”

“What’s the big deal, even? There’s plenty of both for everyone.”

“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOTH CAKE AND PIE. YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.”

But man, fuck that guy, I’m going to have the pie anyway, who cares if I had cake last week.

And then if that pie is so good that I never want any other dessert for the rest of my life, that doesn’t mean I suddenly never liked that cake that I ate.

Actually this metaphor is kind of dumb. I guess I should just leave it at “fuck you.”

No, it’s sweet. In fact, it’s a lovely springboard for the rest of the sexualities. For instance, asexuality:

You’re enjoying the party - the music, the conversation - but you just don’t feel like eating cake or pie.

Suddenly, the host charges over with some cake he’s sure you’ll love. He knows this cake. It’s not too rich and not too dry. You politely refuse.

The party keeps going until the host comes back with a slice of pie, practically shoving it in your hands. You try to refuse again.

“Oh come on, what do you want?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Are you on a diet?”

“No, I just don’t eat pie. Or cake.”

“…you had a bad experience with dessert, didn’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Forgive me if I’m getting too personal, but it had to be something traumatic. Did someone spike a baked good of whatever construction with a laxative?”

“Fuck no. I just have no desire to eat dessert. I’m sure your pies, cakes, muffins, cookies, waffles, wafers, Nutella sandwiches, what have you…I’m sure they are all lovely. Please, serve them to any and all who would consume them. I’m not one of them. Is that really so hard to comprehend?”

“…you just haven’t found the right one.”

I sort of really love dessert metaphors for sexuality because some of the things people say about sexuality are so ridiculous, but people really only notice them with the metaphors.

Also I love them because I like food and I’m going to eat some dessert now.

montereybayaquarium: There have been some strange things going...

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 21:02:33 -0500

montereybayaquarium:

There have been some strange things going on in our exhibits lately.

Learn about special events at the Aquarium.

This is awesome. Fishies love halloween too.

Texts from the Last Full Moon: 5000 Follower Giveaway Extravaganza!

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 13:44:59 -0500

Texts from the Last Full Moon: 5000 Follower Giveaway Extravaganza!:

textsfromlastfullmoon:

Hey kids, know what that sound is?

If you guessed, “Derek Hale creeping through someone’s window” - well, you’re probably partially correct, since that seems to be his default setting. However, in order to be totally correct, you would have had to guess, “The…

gyzym: snowdarkred: errantlight: Source IT IS A WOLF WITH...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:52:35 -0500

gyzym:

snowdarkred:

errantlight:

Source

IT IS A WOLF WITH A WATERMELON I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

oh my god look how proud of himself he is fhdskjfhsdfhdsfksdfhdks

Cutest EVER!